(no subject)

[xinjinmeng]

:
A tryst among P___ and F___ -- nothing too fancy, it was spontaneous enough, no preparation. Which is good, the planning that goes into complex affairs saps the romance. And it was romantic, I believe -- in the sense that it was larger than life, something that happens all too rarely but is glorious when it does.

There was that moment, la petit mort, when I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but they did not burst forth. I do not know if it is because I lack conviction of my own emotions or if I am just not ready. I feel immature and jaded all at once. Can I not let these things go, or am I too numb to feel so strongly ever again? It is just like me to over-analyze things, as well. Perhaps the passion in my chest will not burst but will slowly leak away. I want no resentment, no pettiness, even no remorse. I want to be free of this attachment. I want to be a better person for them and for me.

Goodness gracious, my Kansu paired-fish rug is ruined. I will need specialists to dispose of it.

:
Ah yes, that finally burst the dam. Or at least let some water over the side.  Tomorrow I shall move out the bed of roses and put in the bed of nails.