(no subject)

[xinjinmeng]

I worry that I'm sliding from "eccentric loner" and into "crazed hermit" territory. Each year I raise my freak flag a little bit higher, but it doesn't make me feel any better. It makes me feel like a freak. I sit back and watch my world turn gray. There's someone I forgot to be. Is it the enby genderfluid neapolitan that I see in this world? Is that for someone who wears a younger person's clothes?

I'll never understand how people become more conservative as they get older. To see the mistakes of the past reap the whirlwind, only to double down, or triple down, or stomp a boot down on a human face, forever. Pity for this busy monster, manunkind, not. I have to guard my conversations lest I offend someone by suggesting that our world is our own to lose. To believe this is the end of history, how selfish is that? To look at this great and glorious sky and say that's it, put out the lights and paint the land back, there will be no more generations after me, forever.

Before the last of the neutral nets are gone, I need to find people who love me for what I am. I am someone who can be loved. I still have love to give.